Today was the final day of the Women and Musical Histories conference at the Royal Academy of Music. It has been both enjoyable, and highly informative, and there was enough live music to make it feel like a real treat. Presentations and performances alike were of a very high quality.
My presentation was in the final session, so I had two days of debating with myself as to whether I’d play that musical example.
PROS
- It would quite possibly be the first performance since the 1940s, if not before.
- No-one will have heard Rose’s music before
- It’s lovely
- It has THE most wonderful, powerful ending.
CONS
- I once played a simple example (on home ground), made a tiny slip, and someone sniggered.
- I’m a scholar, not ‘a performer’.
- Dare I reveal my shortcomings within the hallowed walls of another conservatoire?
I had brought a scanned copy of Rose Smith’s last verse, as a precaution against losing it in transit.Ā Since I may have the only privately-owned copy, I couldn’t risk bringing it with me.Ā This turned out to have been a wise precaution,Ā because a torrential downpour rendered my scanned copy very soggy round the edges!Ā Nonetheless, it dried out enough that I couldn’t use the sogginess as an excuse.
I heard someone warming up for a lecture recital, and almost took fright. Who did I think I was?!!
‘Tell the audience you were a librarian’, a friend advised me. Well, that was a better idea than confessing that I didn’t rate myself very highly. I know better than to put an audience off by sowing seeds of doubt in their minds!
Finally, I convinced myself. A bit like when I was deciding whether to have another go at a PhD, back in 2003, I asked myself the question that usually helps me make up my mind.
Will I regret it if I don’t do this?
I took a deep breath. ‘I used to be a librarian, not a performer’, I stated. ‘But I’m going to play you an example of Rose’s music.’
It was an absolutely fabulous piano! Quite exhilarating.
Karen McAulay, Musicologist 